Saturday Critique!

Run for shelter, there’s a mad editor on the loose!

That’s right, it’s Saturday Critique time again and we’re going to be taking the red pen to the writing of Sierra Pelona Crochet. Sierrra makes a mix of hand-crocheted doilies, cat toys and “soft sculptures.”

Now, I like Sierra’s Etsy shop announcement. It’s short, sweet and delivers the goods. If only her item descriptions were the same! I took a look at some of her cute little cat-nip toys, but quickly got bogged down in the description. Have a look:

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Catnip mice! Wow! Your kitties will have a blast with these crocheted catnip mice.

And even if your kitties didn’t inherit the gene for responding to catnip, this cute little toy will still be lots of fun for them to bat around and mercilessly attack.

All are stuffed with organically-grown catnip, so your kitties can drool on it as much as they want.

More than one person has told me that their cat tried to open up their purse to get at the mouse, another climbed atop a dresser and tried to open the drawer the mouse was in, and another snuck in through the neighbor cat’s cat door to steal his catnip heart! These are true stories!

All mice have white bodies and various colors for ears, eyes and whiskers. This is how I use up my scraps of different colored threads and embroidery flosses, so the colors are always changing. Please inquire about available color combinations; what I’ve shown is only a sampling.

Mice are approx. 4″ long, plus a 3.5″ tail.

Shipping price includes $1.65 insurance for US addresses, $1.05 certificate of mailing for non-US addresses.

Please see my Profile for my store policies.

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I understand that there’s a temptation to give your customers all the information they could possibly ever need. But the sad truth is, most don’t have the attention span to read more than a few lines. Unless they came to you to purchase a novel, you should avoid giving them one.

That doesn’t mean you have to skimp on the important facts, however! Let’s see if we can’t get all of Sierra’s information across in a leaner, meaner sales package.

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Cats have a blast with these cute hand-crocheted mice, stuffed full of drool-worthy organic catnip!

I’ve had reports of cats opening purses, scaling dressers and trying to open drawers to get at these mice. One crafty kitty even snuck in through the neighbor’s cat door to steal his crocheted catnip heart!

The mice have white bodies, but ears, eyes and whiskers are made from bits of threads and embroidery flosses in various colors. Please inquire about available color combinations; what I’ve shown is only a sampling.

Mice are approx. 4″ long, plus a 3.5″ tail.

Shipping price includes $1.65 insurance for US addresses, $1.05 certificate of mailing for non-US addresses.

Please see my Profile for my store policies.

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And a note about pictures: Sierra’s photos are sharp and really get the product across. But I would suggest she start using editing software to cut a lot of the gray, empty space out of them. I like to take in the whole photo at once, without having to spend my day scrolling.

Good luck to her and many happy sales!

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Interested in a critique focusing on language and writing? You’ve come to the right place! Leave a comment on this blog post to be considered for next week!

Don’t want to wait around to be picked? Click here for info on trading!

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